I'm sorry my penis didn't work
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
