Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
