what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
