Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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