I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
