We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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