I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
