she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
