I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
