So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
