Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
