at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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