If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
