Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
