I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize