apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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