I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
