Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
