Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
