so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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