i need an iv and a liver transplant
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
