I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
