So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
