found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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