People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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