I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
