I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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