he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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