: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
