I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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