I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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