bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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