i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
