Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
