Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
