these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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