New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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