Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
