i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
