my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
