i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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