i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
