So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
