I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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