There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
