My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
