Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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