I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
