Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
