woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
