I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
