He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize