Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
