I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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