I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
