I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
