mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
