ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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