Pappa wants mamma naked
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
