I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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