i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
