I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
