Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
