I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize