I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
