She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
