slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
