Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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