We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
