I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
