I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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