did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My penis needs a shock collar
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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