Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
