New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
