you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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