Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
