I'm jealous of your bromance
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
