I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
