I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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